Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Too much cat

I believe I have discovered a new sub-species I will call felis silvestris catus extremis: too much cat. Perhaps not the only member of this sub-species, I think Grendel exhibits tendencies that exceed normal cat behavior to a sufficient degree to warrant reclassification and put him on the cutting edge of feline evolution.

Felis silvestris catus extremis can be identified by the following traits:

The ability to look deeply into your soul and convey to you an understanding beyond words that you are an insufferable prat.

"Please, human, don't fool yourself."

An uncanny ability to preempt anything you plan to do by interposing itself between you and your desired activity.

"No, you aren't going to use this, are you?"

A degree of aloof coolness that noticeably reduces the temperature in a room by several degrees.


A heightened sense of paradox between dependence and disdain.

"I want nothing to do with you, now rub my belleh just there."

A grandly imperious manner that often expresses itself in heroic, statuesque poses.

"The Emperor Grendel. Yes, I like how that sounds."

An intensified insistence on getting its fair share (i.e., all) of the available food being consumed or prepared.

"You. Pie hole. Fill. Now."

Felis sylvestris catus extremis has yet to be accepted by the scientific community. However, recognition must come and being the first to identify this sub-species will surely earn me a Nobel Prize for science.

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